Is it possible to love again? Of course I don’t mean the agape sense I know that it’s possible. But one of the questions of my heart is: Is it possible for me to open my heart to in the sense of vulnerability in a romantic relationship to the point which I have done before and at which point my heart was ravished then torn.
All I can hear in my heart is “Be Strong.”
Oh, it is so easy to put up the front and pretend that my guts weren’t ripped out when my heart was broken or that I did not or do not (still) care as much as I did. My heart wants to know.
Will it ever be the same? Will I experience the elation of a beautiful relationship with a wife one day. Can I go there again and allow myself to trust? To actually care about this person and mean it? To let go of fear and just be or actually allow myself to be loved?
If you have ever dared greatly or loved vulnerably & been hurt then you need courage. Courage to stand and love again. To open your heart and trust again. To be vulnerable. There is strength in vulnerability. Strength that crushes the most resistant of barriers. This type of strength takes heart.
Not the strength of the flesh, nor the bravado of man but the ability to allow gentleness take the lead. The ability to make your own self submit to the discipline of true Love.
I think of this quote that warns me of the dangers and delights of love. When I read this quote I am encouraged to believe, I am encouraged to press on in the hope that the future will be different, it will be bright and even if it is not, vulnerability was worth the risk:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves