For all of you out there working retail this weekend in Texas: I’ll be praying for you.
This is Texas’ state Tax-Free weekend. I spent 11 hours today standing on a platform preaching to scores of people at a time. It would have been all the more enjoyable if I had been speaking the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Love of God. Yeah, it wasn’t as glorious as you may have first thought. I advertised shoes, socks, sportsbags and shoecare products from 8am to 7pm until my whole throat voice and legs were tired and tomorrow i’ll wake up if the Lord says the same and do it all once more. I always find it pretty interesting that the Lord put me (an evangelist *i believe*) in a shoestore. I always joke around with poeple about my place of employment saying, “I’m in the business of saving ‘soles’.” (get the pun?)
But on a more serious tip I’ve been scratching and biting for life and feeling orphaned. For some reason I can’t always identify this stinking orphan spirit is always and forevermore clinging to me. A spirit of self-sufficiency and pride. The lack of true trust towards Him. Prodigal life. Disobedience. Today i had to begin telling myself, “God Loves you, His goal isn’t to restrict you, but to truly set you free.” I know now that the Lord put it in my heart to say because as I began to tell myself that the Word of God began to flood those dark places in me and scriptures I had not even given thought to before came but mainly John the 8th chapter. There is still so much healing that needs to be done in my heart. What will it take for me to completely open myself in loving trust and surrender the inner depths of my heart to him. To remove all of the masks and understand I stand secure in His love alone. What is it that fights and bites against Him in me and for what reason? Heal me Lord.
The other night I sat in Wal – Mart on a bench next to a huge Ronald Mcdonald clown outside of Mcdonald’s and battled with the thoughts of keeping a fast I had started that day. On one side, i was really hungry but on the other I just really wanted to be in the presence of God an experience His love through a humbled heart. I was fasting to humble myself, not to earn anything from Him. As i sat there my thoughts turned to the big strange clown figure next to me and suddenly i found myself thinking about my absentee earthly Father. How i never had him there to just provide a loving and fatherly touch. How i wished he would have been there just to sit by my with his arm arround my shoulder affirming my manhood and being a father. Now, this may sound like self – pity and that i’m throwing myself a pity party but i’m glad it was the Lord who turned me from the ditch of self – pity to His loving Presence with a simple statement that i had read recently. The statement was about earthly fathers representing our Heavenly Father and went something like this: “…We were only loaned to our earthly fathers for a short period that they might provide an example of our true Father….if an imperfect example of our Heavenly Father is provided we must remember that our earthly parents are just big kids who grew up and had more kids.” As the Lord turned my thoughts to this I began to reconfess the unforgiveness and bitterness I had held toward my earthly father and then made a choice to forgive him. I had even held bitterness toward God in some aspects, (even though he is faultless) so i released that also. And as soon as i did this I just began to think, “All i really want is my Father.” So while on the bench I began to to sing quietly:
The more I seek You.
The more I find You.
The more I find You.
The more I love You.
I want to sit at Your feet.
Drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against You and breathe.
Feel Your heart beat.
This Love is so deep.
It’s more than I can bear.
I melt in your peace.
It’s overwhleming.
As i sang this chorus over a few times to Daddy. I could feel His overwhelming Peace and Love and began to weep as he touched my Heart with His healing hands. At first i was tempted to stop singing as people walked by me but His presence was just what i needed and what i need. I’m not sure of what poeple were thinking of me sitting outside of the Mcdonald’s inside of Wal-Mart singing songs while sitting next to a gigantic Ronald McDonald and crying but at that moment I didn’t to much care.
After the my heart had been calmed by the experince of the loving touch of my Dad I thought in my heart, ” My heart has raged in vain, for the One against Whom I’ve fought has only sought to Love me.”
“A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD.”–Prov 19:3
“Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jerusalem!
The LORD has taken away your punishment, he has turned back your enemy. The LORD , the King of Israel, is with you; never again will you fear any harm. On that day they will say to Jerusalem, “Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp. The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”–Zeph 3:14-17