The idea that I am totally responsible for everything that happens in my life is disturbing. I don’t like it. The Idea that I am in the place I am currently in because of my decisions is another one of those ideas that I buck against.
Why don’t I have the joy I want? Why do I not have more success in life? Why have failures in many areas become a hallmark of my existence? Why did that one thing work out well?
These and more question can plague the contemplative heart. It’s not easy to face yourself squarely and say to yourself, “Yeah you screwed up again dude. Get it right.”
I began this blog post right after a major screw up with a friend & client. Feeling the brunt of what I had done I decided to write. After the initial few sentences I stopped and walked away until this day (about a month later). The pain of my initial failure did subside but the consequences did not. Things like the failure (that I will not go into details about) shape me and help me to correct my own path.
The scripture from the proverbs comes to mind for me,
“For the commandment is a lamp, and the whole teaching [of the law] is light, and reproofs of discipline are the way of life,” – Prov 6:23 AMP [Emphasis Mine.]
To be reproved by life is like being slapped on the back of the head and told,”That way won’t work!”